Thursday, February 02, 2017

My First Bikini Prep: Why I'm Doing This

I first started blogging to figure out who I was and what I stood for at a time when my whole world – predicated on the permanence of a relationship – was crumbling beneath my feet. I was a soon-to-be-divorced twentysomething trying to raise a baby when I was just a baby myself. Blogging was a way to make sense of the muck, to manifest my story, to write myself back to life.

When I found the things that gave me a sense of worth and purpose, I felt an overwhelming desire to share it with the rest of the world. And so the blog went from being a catch-all for the pain and confusion and darkness to a more neutral space where I shared my beauty tips, workout routines, and healthy recipes.

While I love makeup and working out and eating healthy, my life is so much more than those things. It's also the times I lose my patience with my five-year-old and feel like I'm completely failing at this parenthood thing, or when I'm too lazy to go to the gym and instead polish off a whole pint of ice cream. It's the times I feel completely and utterly lost, wondering why am I here and why am I doing this? We've gotten away from that – the why – and it's time to come back.

Every so often it's important to dig deeper, to question why you do the things you do to make sure you're in it for the right reasons. When it comes to blogging, my goal isn't to show you only the good parts. I want to share everything, including the low moments, because hey! I'm human, too. We're in this together. And without the bad parts, there are no good parts.

Here's the thing: The bad parts will always be there. But my hope is to show you that despite whatever struggle you're going through, big or small, you have the ability to choose happiness, which I'd argue is the single, most important decision you'll ever have to make in your lifetime. 

With that said, I'm excited to announce I've decided to compete in my first NPC bikini show. And I'm sure a lot of you will ask, but why? Why work out every day? Why diet? Why put yourself through what seems like torture to ultimately have someone sit there, compare your body to that of other women, and then judge you? Sounds crazy, right? I get it. These are all legitimate questions, questions that I myself had to think long and hard about. There were some boxes I knew I absolutely had to check off to make sure I was readybasic guiding questions I think we should all ask ourselves when contemplating a big change.

So, in case you're struggling to make a decision, ask yourself:
  1. Am I doing it for me? I'm lucky to have an amazing support system of friends, family, mentors, and a coach, but I'm not competing for them. I'm competing to show myself that I have the physical and mental discipline to do it. Fitness made me feel strong and in control over myself at a time when I felt weak and completely powerless. I love the structure it gives me, and I'm excited to dial it in even more to compete. 
  2. Am I scared or uncomfortable? The thought of getting up on stage in a bikini scares the shit out of me, which is precisely why I'm doing it. I want to move beyond the fear. If something scares you or makes you uncomfortable, chances are you should probably do it. Fear isn't real; it's a construct you create in your mind and it occurs when something is threatening to push you outside of the model you limited yourself to. Growth doesn't happen from staying in your comfort zone.
  3. Will I be happy no matter what the outcome? I used to think I would be happier if I had toned arms and abs. While I did get my arms (still no abs, ha) I came to learn that a "nice" body (1) looks different to different people, (2) cannot always be maintained for reasons beyond our control and (3) isn't really going to make me happy. What makes me happy is more so the journey and sense of accomplishment I get from committing to something and staying loyal to it even when it's the last thing I feel like doing.

Let's be real: I'd be lying if I told you it wouldn't be nice to win a trophy, receive an accolade or get shredded, but no matter what happens – whether I get first place or don't place at all, whether I lean out in all the right places or I'm the girl without a thigh gap – I will choose to be happy because I'll walk off that stage knowing I gave it all I've got, and hell if that isn't a win in itself.

I'll be documenting my prep – the highs and lows – here on the blog, and I would love for you to follow along. Tell me what your goals are, why you want to achieve them, and what you plan to do to get there. Let's do this!

xo – Sc


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